Big Brother is Watching
Yeah, I know it's been an obscene amount of time since my last post. But the truth is, I've been busting up the New World Order. It's true.
Like you, a lot of my time is spent worrying about the ways in which the government is keeping tabs on me. And one of the ways they do this is through the use of cameras, cameras, everywhere. On every street corner, in every convenience store. It's gotten to the point where, if I want to travel to Florida to assault the rival for my lover's affections, I have to wear a diaper, just so I don't have to pull over and get photographed while trying to use the bathroom.
As part of my recent attempts to watch the government watch me, I became intimately familiar with the newest state-of-the-art facial recognition software. Just out of curiosity, what celebrities might the government mistake me for?
And using the above photograph of myself, this is what I discovered:
I'm a 60% match for Michael Richards! I expected that, of course, but I've always thought that the Winston Churchill resemblance was more subtle. The most glorious part of all this is finding out that if I snuck into FoxNews and tried to pass myself off as Rupert Murdoch himself, there's apparently a 59% chance I'd get away with it! Dare to dream that I get to meet Sean Hannity. As it stands now, security is always chasing me away...